A Year Ago Today -- Post Two

 Thursday, May 30. 2013

 

I am not planning on doing "one year ago today" posts every week for the next year. This will be the last one except for when I pass my radiation and chemo anniversaries and you have several months to wait for those. Up above, you will see my cheering section while I was having surgery for my tumor. It was so nice of these people to come and sit with Jim and Lynette through which must have been a truly harrowing time. Imagine, to lose sight of me at 11:30 am and not see me again until after midnight. (There were periodic updates.) The surgery took about three hours longer than expected. I was surgery about 9 and a half hours.

I don't remember much about that time. I remember being wheeled away from my family and friends.

Being medicated and recovering leaves one too out of it to think. There is much I don't remember of those first few days in ICU and PCU. I remember how uncomfortable the breathing tube was. Those notes were to ask to get rid of it! I remember waking up in the middle of the night and feeling awake and alone and floating in a sea of darkness with a few points of light. Pain killers can do weird things to my mind. It is rather awe-inspiring to think of having such a massive surgery done. 

This post isn't flowing from my brain through my fingers as some do. I guess it is still too painful of a memory to revisit. It's the day that changed my life, shook me out of complacency, taught me to enjoy life more, made me more fearful and also more trusting. 

May the thing I take out of this experience is more love. 

May 30, 2023 -- Looking back 10 years later and remembering these people that stood by for hours and half the night to be with Jim and Lynette still, well, I don't have the words, but it does something to my heart. And...there is one in the picture that went through much of what I did, and didn't win. 

It hurts my heart to remember that. 

2 comments:

Bonita Sue said...

I won't forget that day either. Even though I was far away at the time, I have vivid memories of many details of the day. Glad that day and year is behind you. 

May 31, 2013 at 7:28 AM

Dodie said...

I, too, remember where I was that day, and the constant undercurrent of worry and concern...the huge relief to hear you were out of surgery...the joy felt when we heard you were writing notes the next morning. We hope that we gained a measure of what you did, from the sidelines...more trust, less complacency, more love.

May 31. 2013j at 8:41 PM

A Year Ago Today

 Thursday, May 23, 2013

A year ago today, I had more hair.

It was also the day I walked into a clinic called the Estabrooke Cancer Center. It was the day I heard the words tumor, biopsy and malignant used about me. It was the day that I realized there really was something bad growing in my head and it was called cancer.

At lot has happened in the last year, and I don't remember a lot of it. I don't want to remember a lot of it. I had major surgery time, chemotherapy, radiation, two weeks in the hospital with low blood counts, more pain medication than I want to remember, a feeding tube, cases of ensure, mucus taking over my sinuses, and pain, pain, pain, in my mouth and throat. 

 I don't really like to think about it. I don't like to go back and think about the physical things or the mental ones. Once you have cancer there are always a few dark places left lurking around in the back of your mind, and it doesn't do to dwell on them. 

I am thinking about life, what I want to do now, what I want to do next year. I want to remember to be thankful...for the friends and family that helped and put up with me, and those who sent cards and gifts. I don't want ot forget how much that meant to me, and I want to get strength and brains enough back to do it for someone else. 

Recovery is still ongoing, but isn't bad living in here. I have a few annoyances that I may have to live with forever, but I'm doing fine.

And I'm happy.

8 comments:

The J's said...

And I am very happy you're on this side of all that my friend!

May 23, 2013 t 4:04 PM

Brenda said...

You just make me smile!! So glad you are happy!

May 23, 2013 at 4:21 PM

The Millers said...

Yay mom!!

May 23, 2013 at 4:26 PM

Anonymous said...

Yes...so glad it's all behind you...Jenelle

May 23, 2013 at 4:55 PM

Renee said...

Totally know what you mean about things you don't want to remember...experiences you don't want to revisit, although mine aren't from cancer. A person just CAN'T do it and I don't think it is healthy to. So, forward is the direction we face, and LOVE that you are enjoying so many things about your days. Life is quite a tapestry of ugly and beautiful isn't it? I LOVE the pic of you!! xo xo

May 23. 2013 at 5:44 PM

Darcie said...

Love your smiling picture. I think your smiling attitude has been has helped carry youj along through this past year...that and strength from above. (((hugs)))

May 23. 2013 at 8:43 PM

The Chairman's Wife said...

Fair are the prospects all ahead! So glad you shared your journey with us. So glad so much is behind you. Now you need to get down to business and rock all those little boys!

May 23, 2013 at 10:12 PM

Oleva said...

Dearest Shelley, 

Your post brought a big lump in my throat. So glad for all this is behind in this experience and wish you were "whole" in ways you aren't and can't be physically A testimony at the last sp. mtg. hit the core of me and still does----"the Lord never adds sorrow to blessing, but He can add blessing to sorrow"

Hope our paths cross again!

Love, 

Carl and Oleva

May 23, 2013 at 10:45 PM

The Third Boy

 Saturday, May 18, 2013

We have a new baby belonging to us. My daughter and husband have produced a beautiful baby boy. 

Again.

Christian Bennett, born 9:08 PM, May 16, 2013, 7# 15 oz., 21 1/4" long, lots of dark hair.

Here's a photo of the other two boys at our house. 

Watering trees or pretending to.