I Can't Smell Anymore...

 Wednesday, June 6, 2012

There was a photo on someone's blog this spring of a little girl joyfully lifting up her face to the sunshine and lilacs.

I didn't smell the lilacs this year.

With all the lovely and beautiful things that bless my life, smell won't be one of them, not every again.

You don't think about how much you use it until you lose it.

I remember walking by the irises this spring and thinking, "I don't smell those."

But, I thought I would, I really did, I though this thing in my head would someday succumb  to antibiotics and my life would be back to "normal" again.

But it won't.

I won't smell flowers again.

I won't smell dirty diapers again.

I won't smell the fresh "after the rain" smell.

I won't smell the lovely smell of wood smoke, or burning in the kitchen, or skunks, or natural gas.

Once the olfactory nerve is gone--it's gone.

But I have a lot of other things.

I can see, I can here, I can live. I have family, I have friends.

I can feel the warmth of sun on my face and I can remember...

I can remember that I loved to smell.

And I didn't take that for granted.

10 years later:

See below the comments

13 Comments:

The Chairman's Wife said...

Though we enjoyed and appreciated guest writers, it is very comforting to hear form Gramma herself! So sorry you have to go down this path without smelling the roses or anything else for that matter, but you have the gift of life. And that's what matters most. Thinking of you often...

June 6, 2012 at 9:46 PM

John and Sandy Linder...

Beautifully put! Though we do not know you very well, we are rooting for you.

June 6. 2012 at 10:01 PM

Dorothy K said...

And...you can write!! Shelley the Writer is back and it makes us all happy! Who'da thunk it? A week ago this morning in ICU with a ventilator tube down your throat, and today you will be watching another sunrise out you kitchen window.

And we are thankful.

Dodie,

June 7. 2012 at 6:15 AM

Ruth said...

So glad you are home and BETTER! So very sorry for you loss...but maybe your other senses will learn to compensate more...remembering, feeling, appreciating. We take way too many things for granted in this precious life.  Wishing you a speedy recovery and bright days ahead.

June 7, 2012 at 9:34 AM

gkey said...

Dear Sensitive in all the ways that matter most.

Tears of sadness for what won't ever be the same for you again. Mostly tears of JOY for what you still have and especially because al the ones you love you, still have YOU!!

Hope to come visit tomorrow, have a wonderful day today.

love, 

Remembering 

in NE

June 7, 2012 at 11:39 AM

The J's said...

I'm just so glad to have you back at home with us, on the blog--being in your place!

As painful as they are, and as sorrowful, things like this are good reminder to not take things for granted and I want to be more careful not to take my friends and special friendships for granted.!!!

June 7, 2012 at 1:54 PM

The J's said...

Oh yes, and the flowers are lovely, smell or not!! :) (But, I AM sorry for you loss of that sense!)

June, 7, 2012 at 1:59 PM

Gramma Lorna and Grampa Garland said...

So glad you are back home and are able to write again!! Very well put and glad for all the things tyou didn't lose!! Our thoughts go to Holly T. and her family since her brother-in-law was hurt so terribly bad. We are thankful for what we have!! With Our Love and Care!!

June 7, 2012 at 2:20 PM

Lanae said...

I'm sorry for what you've lost too...but as you say, there is much you haven't lost and perhaps things you have gained. Rich in what matters most....

Glad in any case to read a post from you!

June 7, 2012 at 8:12 PM

Huisman5 said...

It's so good to see your notes, Shelley. Now you can stop and "see" the flowers. Something we all need to take time for. We maybe just smell them quickly in passing, but to stop and see things in life's journey brings so much depth.

Love, from our corner, 

Lori, Wayne and Family

June 7, 2012 at 10:38 PM

Dan & Cyndie said...

Great to hear from the Gramma herself!!! and so very thankful to have you right where you are...HOME!!!!

June 8, 2012 at 8:21 AM

Anita said...

It like how you ended this post, Shelley! I'm going to love to smell from now on!!! xo

June 8, 2012 at 9:01 AM

Raimie said...

Dear Aunt Shelley, 

This is one of those moments where I lack the words to express my thoughts...How to be a comfort to you, my auntie...Maybe, just saying I love you and that my thoughts are with you every day on this journey will have to be enough.

Love, 

Raimie

June 8, 2012 at 11:26 AM

10 years later:

I get asked often if my smell has come back. It hasn't. It won't.

 In these past couple of years marked by COVID-19 in which a number of people lost their taste and smell there have been a lot of articles about what the loss of the sense of smell can have on the quality of life. 

From an article in the New York Times

"Everything tastes like cardboard"

"I know what it should taste like, but I can't get there"

"The prospect has set off an urgent scramble among researchers to learn more about why patients are losing these essential senses, and how to to help them:

"Smell is intimately tied to both taste and appetite, and anosmia (no smell) often robs people of the pleasure of eating."

"Smell is not something we pay a lot of attention to until it's gone, Many people who can't smell with lose their appetites, 'There is no point in indulging in brownies if I can't really taste the brownie.' "

"My patients, and the people I know who have lost their smell, are completely wrecked by it."

And from some site called 'Advisory Board'

"And because smell and taste are linked, losing the ability to smell also impacts the taste of food. Research has shown the the tongue can taste salty, sweet, bitter, sour, savory and fatty. But some flavors like strawberry and chocolate, are experienced through retronasal smell, which requires the mouth and nasal cavity to work in harmony."

"..and I've had to rely on my spouse to sniff questionable chicken or milk nearing it's expiration date."

I don't think the 'ruination of my life' effect of my loss of smell happened to me because so many other things of my life were turned upside-down at the time.  The loss of smell certainly affects my sense of taste and that has caused me a very real sense of loss over the years, particularly at first.  I have gotten used to the way things are over the last 10 years and only occasionally do I think "I did not eat enough of that particular thing", and push it out of my mind. 

(Think--Big Macs and Thin Mints)

Of the list of "tongue tastes", I don't have salt or sweet, but I still have the others; bitter, sour, savory (umami), and fatty. Chicken bullion, soy sauce, butter and chocolate fit into one of the last two. It does affect what I want to eat.

My doctor told me that my brain would learn to taste in a new way, so some things do "taste good", but it isn't related to the "normal" way of tasting. I think my brain has decided that Chocolate is the best, due to the the fats and the endorphins.  I could eat chocolate all day, but it isn't very healthy. 

Textures are very important.

I have other problems in the eating department, but they are related to my dry mouth and swallowing issues, not the lack of taste.