Tuesday, January 29, 2013
I know it has been a ridiculously long time since I posted. I started blogging about m cancer journey as therapy and later as a possible help to someone else. That part has been niggling at my conscience lately. However, part of cancer recovery is waht happens when trying ot fit back into normal life. It's a strange thing, after focusing entirely on oneself for so long, it is time to think about other people and other things. It is a disconcerting feeling tryinto to find what your place will be in the new life ahead. I can't really remember anymore exactly all I felt, and it is very hard to describe, but I got depressed, frightened of the dark, and discouraged by how long it was taking to get better.
I didn't want to write these things, so I didn't post.
However, life goes on, and the depression is past, I can sleep in the dark again, and I only sometimes get discouraged on how long this is going to take to get better.
So, where I left off at the end of October, I spent November working on swallowing water. My mucus was mostly gone and my mouth was dry so I used a little spray bottle to keep my mouth moist and comfortable. Salivary glands are affected by chemotherapy and radiation, and take a while to recover. They keep your mouth wet without you thinking about it. However, we will have to wait several months to know whether mine have been totally destroyed. The amount of radiation they subjected my jaws and throat to, was right at the maximum to permanent destruction. So, I am hoping that there will be some salvaged from the wreck.
I gave up working on swallowing sometime in there because it was just hurting me too badly. I wasn't feeling that my therapist was helping at all and I just gave up. Like I said before, I was rushing things a bit. Then finally in December, a wonderful thing happened. My throat stopped hurting. I could think about something else besides my throat. I didn't have to try to stop myself swallowing. I began to feel human again, instead of just a sore throat. That month's trip to see the Omaha doctor was a ground breaking one. I was smiling and my mucus had diminished to the point I could like comfortably for the MRI.
Another great thing was getting connected to the swallow therapist there at Methodist who works specifically with head and neck cancer patients. She was hired to work out a plan to help people with swallowing problems after radiation. She was cheerful, encouraging and helpful. She made me believe I would be swallowing and even eating again.
I started with drinking mL of ice water, five times in a row, five times a day for two weeks. Then we had another appointment with another modified barium swallow study with proved I should be able to swallow anything to the thickness of pudding. So, I began to eat. Yogurt, applesauce, mashed potatoes and gravy, pureed sweet potatoes and carrots. I was still tube feeding a couple of ensures a day, and looking to get my tube out in February.
The January doctor appointment, which included a visit with the swallow therapist, and a PET/CT scan, involved a clean out of my sinus cavity, (which is an every appt. thing, likely for the rest of my life), and ecstatic session with the therapist who wants me to chew soft foods and gave me permission to schedule the tube removal.
I had the PET scan that afternoon, and it is the one where you can't eat sugar or carbs for 24 hours before the scan and nothing except water for 6 hours before. a radioactive sugar is injected into a vein and I have to wait quietly for an hour the the stuff to distribute itself over the body. You can't play with a phone or read or do anything with repetitive motions because the sugar will collect there and could mask a problem because the sugar also goes to where the cancer cells are. Then the scan is done. It is similar to an MRI, but there isn't anything directly over your face. It's more open and not to claustrophobic feeling. And thankfully, shorter.
So, that brings us up to today. My tube is really bother me, my ears (which have been stuffed due to fluid behind my ear drums so I can hard hear) are worse this week, but I have appointments make to fix them. February 7th, I have my tube and port out. The 8th I consult with the ENT to have tubes put in my ears, the 12th I go to see the therapist again, and the 13th I have an eye appointment. And, finally, on the 18th, I see my chemo Dr. again. I have clothes in the dryer, made lunch and kelp the fire going. I have also spent the greater part of the day sitting on the couch. There are parent teacher conferences tonight. So, my life it a mix of busyness and sitting around.
Thanks for sticking by me.
9 comments:
Brenda said...
You have been in my thoughts SO much!!!! I need to just WRITE a letter! Glad you are doing better, I was afraid it was a tough time for you since there weren't any posts. Shame on me for not writing! Truly sorry, and so happy for you that things are looking up.
January 29, 2013 at 4:14 PM
The Chairman's Wife said...
So great to hear from you again! We hear via your relative, but nicer from you directly! Which you knew how many times you come to mind. You sound like you are making progress. Keep moving forward!! We are rooting for you!
January 29, 2013 at 4:48 PM
farmermarvswife said...
So glad to see a post again...have been wondering how youj are doing...and sending little messages of encouragement...glad it sounds like progress is being made...keep encouraged! A friend, Minnie
January 29, 2013 at 10:38 PM
The J's said...
So glad to hear from you again! Glad there has been some face-to-face visits in-between :)
January 30, 2013 at 11:59 PM
Heidi said...
Good to catch up with you again!
Thinking of you...
January 31, 2013 at 9:56 AM
Darcie said...
So glad for the update. I sometimes retreat when things are hard, too. I think we all have to work our our struggles, emotions and such, the way that works best for us. I hope you continue to see signs of improvement, and remind yourself everyone's recovery is not the same...sometimes it just takes time to heal. Hope you are having sunny days in your corner of the world, to help chase those blue days away. (((hugs)))
January 31, 2013 at 11:00 AM
Renee said...
Ohhh! Enjoyed a post from you again!!
January 31, 2013 at 9:32 PM
Mrs. MacOlsson said..
Lovely to hear from you, and wonderful news on all the progress. Greetings from Sweden.
February 1, 2013 at 2:28 PM
Anita said...
'Recovery process' doesn't even begin to cover it, does it? All the things I simply wouldn't have thought of and can't imagine. Big fat hugs!!!
February 12, 2013 at 8:40 AM
