The Bearer of Bad Tidings

 Tuesday, July 31, 2012

It's the ghostwriter back again, and that's not good news.  When Shelley is feeling even half way good, the words just flow out of her fingertips into her blog. But, since Thursday the harsh realities of head and neck radiation, coupled with the chemo, have set up camp in the brick house on Northview Drive.

Thursday there were hints of things getting worse, pain in the lymph nodes under her jaw, and such, and it worsened on Friday.  Things got yet worse over the weekend, when it became very difficult to swallow.

At Monday's radiation appointment they took this worsening quite seriously--did blood counts, blood cultures, changed her to liquid painkiller, gave her a bag of IV fluid since she wasn't getting much down, and scheduled her for surgery to have a feeding tube put in.  Oh, and cancelled Tuesday's radiation because of low white blood count.

So, today there was no radiation, but the surgical procedure to install this new apparatus, a PEG feeding tube--goes from the abdomen right into the stomach.  It was just a 15 minute surgery, but there was a four hour recovery because of getting a couple more bags of IV fluids to keep her hydrated.  It can't really be used for feeding until tomorrow, but nurse Jim got preliminary instructions of how to use it for her medications tonight.  Tomorrow they'll return to the Cancer Center to get the full course on the care and feeding of a feeding tube.  They're assuming there will be radiation again tomorrow, but no one said for sure.  Shelley is sore because of the surgery today, and just generally miserable.  However, she does feel just a little better this evening.  It's a relief to not have to swallow very much, and the painkiller takes a lot of the pain away except at the times she has to swallow.  There is so much mucus to deal with, and that is really her number one discomfort at this time.

Shelley's hair is starting to go, but not in a sudden dramatic way like you might expect.  Just more and more combs out all the time. So--all in all, these are rough days.  And, there are many more of them ahead.  Sometimes it looks like the light is very far down at the end of the tunnel.  So, this is one reason I'm back on the job, so you can continue to share in their challenging journey.  Your encouraging comments and feedback are appreciated and needed at this time.  It's a pleasant diversion for them all, and gives Shelley a fleeting moment in which she can focus on something besides pain and misery. Thanks so much for your thoughts their direction.

16 comments:

Listy said...

Oh dear,...Makes my heart hurt and I wish i could just curl up next to ya and try and understand...Not cuz everyone is a cuddly type...But somehow it seems my crittier's make me feel better when they do this so I've taken lessons from the best....hugs to you Shelley...And I hope you can get some relief...Many many folks have you in their thoughts and prayers....Christy L.

August 1, 2012 at 7:14AM

Dan & Cyndie said...

Since I spent some time with you yesterday, Shelley, I am not surprised to see the "ghost writer" return here. If it were but possible for me to take some of this for you I would do so  in a heartbeat. Everyday gone by is one day closer to this chapter being finished. Even yesterday I was once again inspired, by the smile that peeked through more than once. Love ;you, hear friend. :)

August 1, 2012 at 10:05 AM

Anonymous said...

Shelley and family, 

I think of you all so many times in a day, Shelley. I wish I could take even a portion of your pain away. As each day goes by, you are 1 day closer to the end of all of this. Jim, Lynette, Lorene and Nathan...know how hard it is seeing Shelley suffer. You are the ones that see it, day in and day out, wishing you could help her more than what you can. For you too, there is an end to all of this. Today, you are all one day closer...May you have better days ahead. Love all of you. Holly

August 1, 2012 at 11:42 AM

Luanne said...

Thinking of you all. Hoping so much for better days SOON! Thanks for the update. Hugs Luanne

August 1, 212 at 12:3\ PM

Gramma Lorna and Grampa Garland said...

Dearest Shelley, The sun in shining, the breeze is blowing and another day is passing as you are trying to get over this hurdle and only able to crawl! SO glad you have a ghost writer to keep us up-to-date on how you are doing as kept checking your blog (finally!!) and now there is some news. Hand in there, we are all keeping you in our thoughts!! With Love and Hugs, Lorna and Garland

August 1, 2012 at 1:12 PM

Ruth said...

Dearest Shelley...we can't fell is as keenly as you, but we are hurting with you...and as Cyndie said, we would share your pain in a heart beat it we could. You are so near to the half way point!! Healing days are just ahead. Hang in there dear one! Hugs...

August 1, 2012 at 2:49 PM

Anita said...

I heard (probably from the ghost writer, actually) that you weren't doing so well now and am so sorry. I hope the days get on th upswing soon.\

I enjoyed catching up on the posts. Loved the pix of Barry - what a sweetie!

xo and hang in there!!

August 1, 2012 at 2:57 PM

Dorothy said...

And this is your ghost nurse/housekeeper wishing she was already there to help, but glad there are others who are standing by. Time is going so quickly up there, and I know time can't go quickly enough there. See you on the 18th! thinking of you all the time...Hang in there, all of you!

Love, Dodie

August 1, 2012 at 3:41 PM

Anonymous said...

Oh Shelley I'm so very sorry that you are feeling so miserable right now! I'm so glad you have a ghost writer than is keeping us all updated. Hang in there my Dear!! Love and hugs!! Janet

August 1, 2012 at 3:46 PM

Renee said...

Hello Shelley and all of the folks that do , or have, called 300 Northview Drive, home. Oh, but this is panning out just like the experts said it would, so the encouraging part of that is....it's the road to that cure they are giving you. It was amazing to see you last week...and you were just as perky as could be it seemed, and then it ahs become increasingly miserable for you. Hang in there...one moment at a time. Love and more love...Renee

August 1, 2012 at 3:51 PM

John and Sandy Linder said...

We are so sorry for you misery, but we are looking for better days ahead for you. We care.

August 1, 2012 at 7:07 PM

Elaine T. said...

So sorry you have to go thru this experience...not one anybody would choose. But I do know that it's experiences like this that cause roots to go deeper, and for that you will be thankful in the long run. Hang in there, dear Friends. We think of you all.

August 1, 012 at 10:13 PM

The J's said...

Just sending virtual comforting hugs. hoping so much that you will feel better soon. Wishing like others that there was something t o do that would "really" help you fell better--but at this time it's just adding a word here, thinking of you. I know you be will be counting the days for D. to come!❤️❤️

August 2, 2012 at 6:43 AM

Anonymous said...

Shelley and family, please know that you are very much in our thoughts and prayers there days. We are so lucky to have a Father whose heart is touched ofr us in our need.

Love and hugs! John and Jamie Myers

August 2 2012 at 3:43 PM

Darcie said...

Oh Shelley...not the news I was hoping for coming on here tonight.. :-( My heart is sad for all you are going through right now, and wish I had words of comfort! Want you to now I THINK of you OFTEN...the blogging friend I have never met, but a friend in SO much more. 

So thankful for this update written, when you weren't able too!

Hugs and tender care going you way!

Augut 2, 2012 t 8:42 PM

Gramma's Corner said...

Re-reading this nice post, that tells so well, what that day was like, is encouraging. It is nice that someone else is able to fill in for me, when I am feeling unable to do it. U LOVE to write this blog, but there are some days, it just can't be done, and I appreciate my Invited Guest Blogger. 

August 8, 2012 at 4:24 PM

Bits and Pieces

 

Saturday July 28, 2012

Thursday Morning

Last night I felt like I would never be able to write a cheerful post again. Luckily, I felt better in the morning and yesterday was just foreshadowing the rough days I will be facing ahead. The sun is shining, (I wish is was rain, however) and I am feeling better and drinking my 

morning shake with little pain. 

Every morning I go to radiation and they ask how I am doing and I say, "fine." Yesterday, I told them I had a little pain in my throat, and they said, "I'm sure that's from us." Very nice of them to take the blame. What is funny about this bit of pain is that it feels like one of the lymph nodes under my jaw is very sore. Just one, one one side. However, as the day went on my body didn't want to chew and swallow past that pain. So, by the end of the night I was feeling very sorry for myself, thinking here, a week and a half into treatment, one small spot of pain, and I'm complaining already. So, I went rather into a blue funk for awhile, and went to bed. So, it was very nice to wake up this morning, feeling as well I did yesterday. The sore spot isn't gone, but it is doable.

Plus, Jim is back home again, and that always makes me feel better. And, I can whine all over 

him if I want to.

I had a big day yesterday and really enjoyed it. I did a few things around the house, like sort all the clutter off the bar counter, and wash the rungs. Just putting a few things away, those things that hand around the house that no one every seems to put away except me and helping with supper, (which Lynette made all by herself, with only advice for guidance) and having company felt good. Actually, all I did for supper was wash the cucumbers badly and they were still too salty.

I'm starting to comb long hairs out of my head, so a few are starting to let loose.

Other things are normal around here, Jim and my mom put up 30 bags of corn last night, and the dishwasher we orders is in. We haven't had a dishwasher for months. I didn't really miss it, but I'm not the one doing dishes just now. 

Jim is taking a piece of equipment we've rented back to Lincoln today. He's pulling off the job he's been working on so far away, until after corn harvest. That job has been plagued with breakdowns and other complications, (partly mine), and it will be nice for him to be here through most of my treatment days. 

One of the fun things of writing down all the stuff that has been happening to me, is writing down some particularly strange things that go on. I have been getting some sores along my incision site that have been really worrisome to me. We have discovered however, that the stitches are working their way out from underneath and causing sores as they come out. Well, and good, we watch for those and catch them before they cause big problems. Now, however, the stitches seem to be all out and now HAIRS are working themselves out from underneath and making sores. They didn't shave my head, and I don't really know if they cut the hair short in the incision area or just cut through the whole thing, but at any rate, there are hairs that got trapped under the skin and are working their way out now. Lynette went over the whole area the other night pulling them out, (they aren't attached) and no more sores. Sorry, people, for those who aren't into the nitty gritty medical side, this might be a bit yuck. It's nice to have a daughter neat handed and careful and WILLING to keep me healthy. (Jim was gone.)

I weighed Thurs., three pounds up. YAY, now to keep it there are gain some more, and I will see the doctor, or rather his nurse practitioner to discuss fist line of pain killing options. 

 

 

4 comments:

The J's said...

Oh, WHOOSH!! That is rather nitty gritty. Regardless, I'm glad you can and are blogging it all. Kind of interesting about the hairs/sores--I remember years ago when Ryan had surgery on his fingers & them having sores come and it seemed to be from the hairs on the skin patches they did. 

Hope you have a good day today! Glad you have someone to get the corn put up! Hopefully, we're in for a little bread on the heat at least for a little bit!

July 28, 2012 at 8:04 AM

Anonymous said...

Ahhh Shelley you truly inspire me!!! And you deserve to have a blue day or six!!! Hang in there and know we are all behind you, thinking of you and crossing our fingers that this will all soon be behind you!!! Love you much!!!Janet

July 29, 2012 at 2:45 PM

Dan & Cyndie said...

blue days will come and blue days will...GO!!! Like Janet said you are entitled to your share. So glad for all you post, even the nitty gritty ;) thinking of you always & loving you much:)

July 30, 2012 at 4:33 PM

Gramma Lorna and Grampa Garland said...

Dearest Shelley, Finally I am getting to catch up on your blog! The summer is going so fast and altho the days will seem to creep along, you will look back and see that they were very fleeting. G'pa Grotz' birthday was last Saturday, he would've been 110 years old and it was just yesterday day was holding our kids on his knee! You are such an inspiring example of living the Good Life and meeting each hurdle with determination! Wonder how long your Mom gets to stay with you? Love and Hugs form us two!!

July 31, 2012 at 3:52 PM

Week 2

 Monday, July 23, 2012

It seems so strange to be feeling as well as I am today, and have a week of treatment down. I DID have my chemo down days Saturday and Sunday but all the consisted of were tiredness and feeling "full" in my stomach. I felt so bloated up that I didn't want to or couldn't eat or drink. That created its own problems as I am needing to keep my weight ON instead of letting it drift away because of not eating. By that time, "chemo mouth" was in full swing, and it also hard to eat when everything tastes like you're eating spoons. Cisplatin, (my all day chemo drug), is made of platinum, so I get a metal taste in my mouth. Radiation is also supposed to alter my taste and the doctor said today soon everything will taste like dirt. My mouth doesn't really taste like dirt now, it tastes more like charcoal. But, it is getting better. I can taste salty things today and the potato soup, (with extra meat) and salted tomatoes went down well. 

And, so, I've started week two.

The same old drill, climb on the table, get snapped in place and away we go. This time however it took a lot longer, they took some more pictures of me. It's a good thing those aren't being published, because no one looks good lying on a table with their eyes closed. Those just go into my medical file which is three inches thick and getting thicker everyday.

Since this is Monday, I have to be weighed, and then I saw the doctor who was gone all last week to a conference. I thought we was on vacation, but no, he's going on vacation NEXT week. Thankfully, I really, really like his Nurse Practitioner she is thorough, and she is the one who looks after my basic healath, which is why she had a conniption when I lost 5 pounds over the weekend. Of course, it is her job to keep me from losing strength and not getting enough calories is a sure way to do that. They threatened me with the feeding tube again, so I REALLY need to find some of those  5 pounds back in the next couple of weeks., preferably before Thursday, when they weigh me again. Here, I've spent half my life trying to take pounds off, and now, as they tell me, "this is the only clinic where weight gain is pushed." I need to be eating extra protein, extra fat, just whatever I want. "This is no time to be eating spinach!" The doctor says. I still think I should put some in my shakes. 

So, I'm supposed to be eating every two hours, swishing that really expensive mu-goo, four times a day, (then an hour of no eating or drinking after that), drinking loads of water, plus all the other things, sinus rinsues twice a day, fluoride at night, brushing teeth three or four times a day, AND, AND, well, have time to talk on the phone, see people, get office work done, and have naps, I think I need a schedule. 

I already have a housekeeper for awhile, thank goodness for my mom.

It was good to see the doctor anyway, he told us some more about how they were doing the radiation. They are aiming the most powerful shots in the left sinus area where the tumor was mainly found. As I have 200 Centigrays every time I go in, after six treatments I'm up to a lever of 1200 cg total. It you do the math, that is a 1000 cg every week and will take 5 weeks. After that, I get a "boost" of a 1000 cg over the last week, concentrated in the area where the tumor was, i.e. the left sinus area. There is the total of teh 6 weeks of radiation. This is standard procedure to do it this way Radiation really isn't a "weekly" or "daily" thing, I am going to get the amount of radiation prescribed, a day missed, is a day made up. And it accumulates. Just because right now all the pain I have is in the bridge of my nose, and as long as nobody is poking it, I can ignore it, is seems like not much is happening. However, the doctor assures me that as the level of radiation rises, so will my discomfort. 

So, now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of...well, anyway. it is time for all radiation patients to eat up!! And it is HARD work, let me tell you.

P.S.

The results of my scans are clear, which feels really, really, good right now. 

P.P.S.

Sadly, I removed an unkind comments from a previous post. It is the first time I've ever had to do that. I don't know the person who commented, I don't know exactly was she was getting at. It simply may have been spam. At any rate, it is gone, I apologize to any who may have seen it. 

9 comments:

The Chairman's Wife, said...

I won't leave an unkind comment! I'll leave a nice comments on how I appreciate your spirit through this ordeal. Eat up! Get your rest! And this this nasty C off to oblivion! Still think of you lots.

July 23, 2012 at 9:52 PM

Renee said...

You are so brilliant Shelley, to keep all this jargon straight! It leaves my thinking, Huh?, What? ...but I do understand the eat up part. Life is odd in a lot of ways. When you need to pig out, it taste like SPOONS, of all things! Oh, how I love your way of putting things into words. But bleh...a metal taste in the mouth is most unpleasant! I am so happy your Mom is there and so so SO happy your scans were clear. Thinking about you nonstop!!!!!

July 24, at 8:11 PM

Anonymous said...

Love your positive attitude. No time to feel sorry for yourself!! So glad to hear the scans looed good. I enjoy reading your posts so much; even going through what you are having to go through, your are so inspiring to me. Thankful your mom can be here to help out. Keep fighting girl!!

July 24, 2012 at 8:46 PM

Anonymous said...

That last one was from me. Sorry I left our my name! Holly

July 24, 2012 at 8:46 PM

John and Sandy Linder said...

You are quite a trooper. Glad you are doing as well as you are. Thanks for keeping us updates so we can follow your experience and pray for you to keep full of courage.

July 24, 2012 at 9:53 PM

Gramma's Corner said...

Arrgh, this new laptop I have has the mouse pad set to "click when I hover" so I deleted the last comments by accident, and of course, I can't figure out how to fix the mouth pad. I'll have to email my computer guy. 

July 25, 2012 at 8:12 AM

(10 years later--I can figure this out for myself now.)

Dan & Cyndie said...

I just love popping in to see how you are both here & at your house :)

So good scans are clear!!

You inspire me to be MORE!!!

love your attitude, your spirit and just plum love YOU!!!

thinking of your daily :)

July 25, 2012 at 11:25 AM

The J's said...

Wow! And I am SO glad you have your mom there to help. That is huge!! Stay focused on WELL! SO glad the scans were good!

July 25, 2012 at 2:14 PM

Darcie said...

Wouldn't you know it...the one time your scale need to go up. :-) Hope your appetite comes back a big so that you can keep some healthy weight, to help you through it all! Still thinking and pulling for you!

July 26, 2012 at 10:06 PM

Fourth of July 2012

 Sunday, July 22, 2012

You know, life goes on even after you have a cancer diagnosis. So, I was glad to be well enough to hose my family over the 4th of July holiday. I didn't do much hosting. I have a capable family, and they took care of everything and I just watched and visited.

I also have pictures of Barry at 10 months here, and he is progressing well, and just SO cute. He's figured out he can walk behind this toy easily. There just wasn't quite enough room to go well.

He still crawls is his funny one knee up, one knee down hitch along fashion, but he is also standing alone, after letting go of things and hold things in his hands while standing. His preferred method of learning at the moment is shaking whatever he is standing next to, it is a good things chairs are sturdy, but he's going to have one over on himself one of these days.

Supper on the deck

This was supposed to be an "all cousins" photo, but Titus got missed. You'll have to look for him on the eating photos.

My boys

Big, blue eyes

Grampa and Gramma with Barry

I don't have photos of everyone here. I didn't take many as I was sitting and not following everyone around. Luckily, my sister in law, is a great one for getting photos of everyone, so we DO have some. 

We had a great time with Tim's famous ribs, done is our fire pit, and a bunch of other good food that ends up in our get togethers, like my mom's enchiladas, and chocolate cake with homemade frosting. The only things we didn't get this time was mom's apple pie. She only had enough apples for one pie off her tree and they ate it at home instead of bringing it along. 

Mom spent a good share of here time putting the apples that were falling off my tree into the freezer. I'll be glad to have those this winter. I couldn't do it and it was the best crop we've had so far. The only problem is no one has time to pick all the rest of the fallen apples off the ground so they will be full of bugs next year. Oh, well, next year I can keep the ground clean and have better apples the NEXT year. 

(No rotten apples on the ground, no bugs next year.)

We have another tree, but we aren't going to deal with it, it's hard enough to keep up with the garden.*

I had a great time with everyone here, it was nice to be all together again. The cousins are growing up, we already have the next generation started. It will be harder and harder to get all of us together as the years go by. It might not be so often, and it might take more planning and it will be more fun as the years go by. 

*2022-- I can see how hopeful I was to be back to normal in a year. I wasn't.

1 comment:

The J's said...

Fun to see the pictures! Glad it worked out for you to be together!

July 22, 2012 at 10:29 PM

Day 3 of Treatment

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

I took these photos on Day 2 of chemo plus radiation  I'm gearing up to the time when I won't be able to eat because of soreness in my throat and looking to go to smoothie route with with protein shake, yogurt, ground greens and fruit to get my protean, calories and vitamins.

Thanks to all those who gave me things to make my days brighter...This is a goodie bag for after treatments. What fun!!

We had to go to Omaha on Day 2 of our treatment for a final check on the interior of my sinuses before treatment so we had an early radiation appointment. Jim came back ot see how they get me ready for the radiation. It's a big room with this brand-new radiation machine that is able to pinpoint areas with greater accuracy in aiming the radiation so that they can miss the parts that don't need it. The room has 5 ft. thick concrete walls with a huge door to close me in on the little radiation table, while the techs are outside running it all on the computer and watching me on monitors. I just lie there with my mask snapped to the tale white the table moves into position, (this is done with lasers), listen for the machine to get into position over my head and listen to the buzzing and watch the flashing lights for 10 minutes and I'm done.

It's 200 Centigrays for those who are interested and might know. 

They are radiation all of the front part of my head, face, sinuses, lymph noes, from my forehead to my collarbone. There is no evidence to cancer in those lymph glands, but in case of a rogue microscopic cell, they are going there. Better to get it all done at once than having to go back and do it again, I say. I'm thinking I won't be very excited about having radiation there ever again. 

Sadly, head and neck radiation is the wrost there is for effects on the body, due to soreness and eating and swallowing problems. It's a good thing I like to drink smoothies and you can dump lots of things in for nutrition. 

That mask leaves marks on my forehead for a little while. 

Now we come to Day 3. This was the final day of the first round of chemo. I had no trouble with the chemo except for a slight anxiety attack on the first day while watching them put the first medicine bag on. First rule of thumb, don't watch medicine go in! So, I don't watch anything and I've had good luck so far. Of course, they put so much med. in with it, so then when chemo is over, and those meds aren't in me anymore, I'll have some "chemo-down days", when they say I will feel like I have to flu. That will be this weekend. After that the blood counts go down, so my immune system is depressed, then it will come back up again, in time to start round two for chemo.

So, today, I am feeling my first changes. I look like a have a mild sunburn, and I feel something at the back of my throat. I was given a brand new product today, that is being used for mouth and throat irritations due to cancer treatments. It is supposed to be used 4-6 times a days and then you can't eat for an hour afterward. I have no idea when I'm supposed to eat with that sort of schedule!

I've also started using my fluoride trays, which is a 5-min session of fluoride followed by 30 minutes of no eating or drinking, but that is done at night, so it isn't so much of a problem. I have so much to do to my person with all this routine and medicine that I don't have time for getting much else done. I think I need ot make a schedule. Anyhow, now I just go in every day for a 10 minute radiation treatment, the whole thing takes about 15 minutes and we are on our way again. 

Chemo starts again August 6th.

5 comments:

Oleva said...

Sure do think of you and wish you didn't have to go thru this. You amaze me with your postings and the "gracious" way you put thinks in perspective that are certainly not pleasant to face. We are pulling for you and thinking of you on a daily basis. Am thinking of you as a teacher in acceptance and patience. I need to do my homework!!

With loving care to you and yours.

Carl and Oleva

July 19, 2012 at 8:07 PM

gkey said...

Dear Kleeb 3, 

It was good to be with you tnight, your smiles are still so ready! Special to see you 3 all togehter. 

Glad to have this first round over.

love,

onward with courage

in 

NE

July 21, 2012 at 10:39 PM

Janis said...

Thinking of you a lot these days. Hugs to you!

July 21, 2012 at 11:05 PM

The J's said...

Goodness, you do need a schedule in front of you all the time to keep things straight! Thanks for your posts!

July 22, 2012 at 3:22 PM

Renee said...

Wow, this is overwhelming to read, let alone to have it being DONE to you. You are a brave and very strong lady, Shelley!! The Bible tells us many times, "and it came to pass." Think of that real often...these days of treatment aren't here to stay...they are going to pass and become history.

Love you!

July 22, 2012 at 4:58 PM

A Long Day

 Monday, July 16, 2012

The first day is over. I am very tired.

We were at the Platte Valley Medical Group Clinic at 8:00 this morning. We went right back into the infusion room to start the IV through the port. The nurses called it a "naughty port day" because the first three ports they started, failed and had to be redone, one of them was mine The nice thing about the port is they can take blood samples through there without having to stick me more times. Another nice things, is that the needle stays in the port for my three days of chemo, so I don't have to be poked again. Before I start the Cisplatin, I have to have two hours of saline. About half-way through that, they decided to start the VP-16 and run it at the same time as the saline, that lasts an hour and a half. After that, they began the Cisplatin, which lasted another hour and a half. Then it was flushed through with more saline for another three hours. By this time it was 5:30 and still had to walk over to the Cancer Center for radiation They had to open the back door to let us in because normal clinic hours were over. Jim went to get the car which they put me on the table, snapped the mask on, and radiated me. Twenty minutes later I was all done. Now I am home on our nice, not-quite-so-new-anymore couch and having a hard time getting the energy to go to bed. 

Lynette is making me an ice cream sundae with bing cherries so I guess I'll stay up for that. 

Oh, by the way, the IV bag with the paper bag over it is the Cisplatin, it is sensitive to light. 

I also had what we think was an anxiety attach when they put my anti-nausea meds in with the first saline I was looking up at the bag, and all of a sudden I felt sick to my stomach and got really not, so that created a bit of excitement, but my vitals were all good and I soon cooled off and I didn't look at them hanging up the bags anymore. 

5 comments:

Luanne said...

Day one down my friend. You are a trooper! Good night.

July 16, 2012 at 9:59 PM

Renee said...

Well look at your cheery smile! You are stepping down this road of cancer therapy...Thought of you all day and it is lovely to check on you and get an update now before bedtime. Good nights. 

July 16, 2012 at 10:47 PM

Dorothy said...

Well not. That was day #1. And according to my calculations you are 1/4 done with days like day #1. Actually, there will only be one more day just like day #1, if I have it right. So, technically, you're half done with days like day #1!

But, Renee is right...look at the cheery smile (covering a boat load of apprehension, I'm sure.) I've been thinking about a lot of people these days, particularly around York NE, whose smiles cover a multitude of feelings There's a song that goes something like this. To smile when you hear is breaking takes courage of unknown worth To plod on when all seems darkness takes something that's ot f this earth. And so on but I don't remember the rest 

This is another big big big days for you with a trip to Omaha is looks like, in addition to chemo and rad. Better now that later. We're pulling for you!

Love, Dodie

July 7, 2012 at 7:55 AM

gkey said...

Dear On the Treatment Road, 

I thought of you all day yesterday. Wishing I could be there to keep you company a little.

Love, 

Wishing you Well

in 

NE

July 17, 2012 at 9:49 AM

Darcie said...

WOW...what a journey you are on! Like others have said...Day 1...DONE! Keep that beautiful smile on your face...says so much about you, without uttering a word.

July 17, 2012 at 7:28 PM

The Waiting is Over...

 Friday, July 13, 2012

for the first step anyway.

Chemo and radiation start Monday. 

These are really gorgeous flowers, by the way and sent to us from some very nice friends who do so much for us already. I am really enjoying them.

Anyway, I am off to a good start this morning. The first thing I did (after going back to bed after seeing Lynette off at 5), was put a load of wash in. It wasn't until it was half done and I was doing the 'get read for the day' part of my morning, when I remembered I hadn't put any soap in. I've got chemo bran and I haven't even started yet. 

I'm feeling better today. Jim is coming home this evening after being gone since Tues. My scans are done for awhile, and someone is coming to visit later and that always cheers me up. 

I had that PET scan yesterday and that was another different thing. It was a radioactive scan, too, done at the Kearney Imaging Center. The same man injected me as for the bone scan, but he was better today, just did his job and answered my questions. Sort of makes me wonder if he realizes what I have is serious and he's better not joke around. That is part of what made me a little big off yesterday. Either that, or he was off. Or I have too much imagination.

Which is entirely possible, err...  probable, err...downright true.

Since it is radioactive and all sorts of precautions have to be taken, I go to the little room with a recliner in it marked "RADIOACTIVE MATERIAL", (I mean the door of the room, not the recliner), and have a needle with a line put in inside my elbow, like a short IV, into which he put saline, then the injection, then more saline. The injection was in a large heavy looking metal syringe that was probably lead lined for everybody's protection but mine. Then he left me in a semi-darkened room for an hour with instructions to do nothing, no reading, no cell phones, no texting. Lucky for me, I forgot my cell at home. 

So, I thought, (too much imagining here). I told myself stories, I wondered what time is was, I counted seconds, and then a nurse came in to ask how I was doing, and "it won't be long now, " so I counted some more. I was going to count 10 minutes, but I got sidetracked and pretty soon she came back in and took to to the scanning room to pout me in the usual scan position: feet up to the end of the table, a pillow for my head, one under my knees, straps to hold up my arms and a nice warm blanket. 

I was hoping I'd have a nap during one of these times, but it didn't work out. I spent the 20 minutes going in and out of the doughnut looking scanner thingys wondering how they worked.

Then I left to find my ride waiting and had a nice lunch out!

Thank you very much!

I was starving. I spent the 24 hours before the scan eating a high protein/low carb diet, and the morning, eating nothing. And I came home and tried to have a nap while Lynette was having one, which I eventually did and lucky she woke up at 6 or we would have missed our evening activities. 

I haven't mentioned so far that the reason Jim was gone this week and in the weeks to follow is that he had the biggest job we've ever had, putting in 15 miles of 2", 3" and 4" pipe for gas powered irrigation wells 140 miles away. It wasn't a good time for him to have that job, since it meant being away from home more than he wanted to.  We had to depend more on other people's help and we really appreciated that. 

And, it's true, I am starting chemo on Monday. I called the chemo Dr. last week for something, reassurance probably and the nurse says, "well, we're seeing you on Monday anyway." Oh, really?? Well, I hope they were going to call me. So, the first day, Monday, I will go to Platte Valley Medical Group for a check up, then the long day of chemo with Cisplatin, which the really scary one, and VP-16 which is the one which will cause me to loos my hair, I think, I can't imagine it, until it happens They are doing the chemo there under the watchful eye of the doctor in case of any reactions. Then I trot over to the Cancer Center for the radiation. The next two days, I will do the VP-16 at the Cancer Center followed by the radiation, and that will just take the morning. Three weeks later, we repeat, but I don't know if I will have the long first da at the Cancer Center or Platte Valley. All this time, though, I will be going to radiation, every day, 5 days a week, for 6 weeks. I don't know what will happen, but I've been listening to other people and reading, but I won't really know, until it happens. 

I was reading my cousin, Michelle's blog yesterday. She blogged through here second time around with cancer and I wondered what she felt like in chemo. The best case scenario, is a few days of doing nothing and that helped her more than trying to get anything done. I find myself imagining all sort of horrors to have to deal with, that's what happens when you read the find print, and the doctors have to tell you every know side effect even if it hasn't happed to anyone yet. 

(Well, I suppose it's happened to somebody or they wouldn't know about it.)

Anyway, expect the worst and hope for the gest, as they say. 

Maybe it won't be as bad as you thing, etc. etc.

Well, it will be what it will be, and I'll deal with it. I've found that realities don't scare me nearly as much as my imagination.

And for those of my followers who are Anne fans, I remembered this today:

From Rilla of Ingleside about Walter,

"Realities never scared him--only his imagination could do that."

9 comments:

Anonymous said..

Our Dear Friends, It was wonderful to see you on Saturday...We check you blog often, and want to add our names to those who are "going with you" through each part of this journey! We DO hope the reality won't be as traumatic as the gear of it can be, but neither do we expect it to just be a walk in the par! SOOO...we, are in the "blog waiting room", will be sta,ding by your side...wherever each procedure takes you! 

Our love and best wishes, 

Don and Jeanie

July 13. 2012 at 11:59 AM

Luanne said...

Thanks for the nice time today. Did I tell you how good you looked? I can't change what you have to go through but it feels good to do something!

July, 13. 2012 at 6:18 PM

Dan & Cyndie said...

Sitting here thinking that if anyone can make "lemonade" out of a lemon situation like this it would be you, dear friend. So value your spirit & your willingness to share! Love you

July 13, 2012 at 7:53 PM

The J's said...

Shall I be honest here? :P Pretty much I'd like to bury my head in teh sand & pretend this isn't happening to you my friend!! Ugg. Such a friend I am, eh? Well, honestly I dislike the sounds of all that scientific cancer jargon, but that's not going to change anything. SO--even tho I'm not there much, I'm here cheering you on, hugging you in my mind, sitting beside you in thought. 

Today I'm trying to remember what we heard several years ago at Antioch about "experiences"...I'm sure it will come to mind but I'm glad to be assured that God is in control and he is with you in every step of this journey. Ramble...ramble...

Virtual hugs & love, my friend.

July 13, 2012 at 10:40 PM

gkey said...

Dear Shelleykins,

My thoughts go your way so often, and especially now as you are gearing up for this part of the battle with your 'goliath'. I am glad you are able to research & learn as you go along. It would help to understand what you are dealing with & the procedures used. 

This afternoon I am remembering what we hard at Elizabeth about David's battle there in the valley with Goliath His victory encouraged other later who fought battles in that same valley. David went forth with confidence that the Lord would be with him In life's battles we too can look behind, beside, all around us & see that Lord/our Saviour fighting with us!

love, 

Your friend

in 

NE

July 14, 2012 at 2:58 PM

Anonymous said...

Shelley, 

You are very much in my thoughts and will be especially on Monday as you begin your treatments. Thanks for writing with such honesty. I admire your courage. 

Sending love from Wisner, NE...

July 14, 2012 at 9:53 PM

Anonymous said...

Thinking about your household today, conscious that you new noraml is going to be replaced with a newer normal, starting tomorrow! Enjoy THIS day!! Your whole family and lifestyle will revolve around chemo and radiation for awhile, and I suspect it is as our wise elder sister says" a person can't say it will go fast or easy, but it WILL go!

Love you all, 

Dodie

July 15, 2012 at 11:51 AM

Darcie said...

Had to stop by here tonight and tell you that I am with you in thought tomorrow. So many experiences life hands us, but were so thankful to know whose hand we are in. We will be here for you when you return to blog land, and until then...thoughts and prayers you way. 

July 15, 2012 at 9:05 PM

Renee said...

My thoughts are in Kearney, beside you!! Holding you close to heart!!!!

July 16, 2012 at 11:19 AM

One More Step

 Wednesday, July 11, 2012

This is a rather gorgeous morning this morning as I sit and look at it over my laptop There is a spray plane noisily spraying the field north of us. When I poked my nose out at 5 am as Lynette left to de-tassel, I didn't sat anything to her about the weather What is cool and lovely to me, will be wet and cold in the middle of the cornfield until about 11 when it will be stifling ... and still wet.

I am learning so much about how my body works and a lot of other things in this ordeal. I am finally feeling well enough to type (with tylenol). Even typing hurt my chest muscles yesterday. I really should be doing office work. 

Friday, I had the bone scan. I rather dropped the ball on that one, and didn't ask enough questions. I was injected with radioactive stuff and told to come back in three hours and then had a full body scan. I want to call today and get the results. I didn't know it was going to be a radioactive injection. There is a little room down in radiology marked with signs, and one man the handles the radioactive material. He was the first one who I haven't been really impressed with his bedside manner. He was joking around and I didn't think joking about radioactive stuff, nor anything else was necessary or appropriate. I think he is the one who will administer the radioactive sugar injection for the PET scan. It sounded liek he was the only one who handles the radioactive material. 

I got the injection in my vein with a heavy walled square syringe, anything he used looked well...like heavily protected stuff would be in it and he filled the syringe behind a clear shield. 

Then, the scan was just a scan. Lying down on a table with some sort of thing (it was flat), that slowly moved the length of my body. It's closest to the face, about an inch, but soon moved past that. 

Monday then we were at the hospital at 6 am to be admitted to out-patient surgery. There is the neatest liettle set up for surgery. There is a littel waiting room and dressing/bathroom connected to the prep/recovery room. I had the heart monitor pads and the IV put in before Jim could see me, then we had to wait an hour for my 7:30 surgery time. 

I've discovered that my veins really aren't that easy to find for IV's. I mentioned to the nurse who put mine in, that while I was in the hospital they warmed by arm, and it went in easy. So, she wrapped my arm in a warm blanket and put the IV in my wrist. Slick, and the first time, too!

I was just sedated for this surgery and since I hadn't slept well the night before, I was tired and ready to be out. The procedure really is a quick one, which two incisions being made. One to thread a long silicone tube into a big vein in my chest, rather like a heart catheter and another slightly larger one to put the port in. It is completely inside my skin, there is nothing to show on the outside except a slightly raised spot. (I least, I guess so, I'm still bandaged and I'm not touching anything right now.

The port is a little larger than a quarter with a self-healing rubber top that can be pierced with a needle. So, I will still be poked through the skin, through the rubber and the medicine, fluid and chemo will be put in that way. 

The port will be removed when I don't need it anymore. 

I really think if will be easier on me this way. They  are putting some pretty powerful suff in me and even though chemo is every three week, it is three days that week, and it may be that I will need extrea fluid or blood in-between times. I just seem to be going on with out thinking too much of some of these procedures. It is still very hard for me to imagine what my body is going to have to go through. What I'm putting it through, but right now, there isn't any other way. I believe I am doing the right things, in spite of the doubts and fears 

So even thought I'm recovering, (again!) I can get some office work done, and feed myself, no strenuous work for the  rest  of the week!

It does get boring at times.

6 comments:

Brenda said...

Thinking of you today!!:)

July 11, 2012 at 10:21 AM

The J's said...

And you have to believe you are doing the right thing for yourself, no mater what itj is! Educate, educate, educate!

July 11, 2012 at 2:09 PM

NanaK said...

thinking of you again to day, Shelley! Always appreciate your fine spirit -- encouraging  -- and I hope all of our thoughts/prayers encourage you as well. You don't know me, but Bonita was in our field for several years, so we feel like we know you! At any rate, it brings you close to our hears. 

July 11, 2012 at 4:00 PM

Dan & Cyndie said...

just keep asking your question, dear friend, I think that at this stage there are no "unaskable" questions...especially when its pertaining to YOUR body!!! love you dearly:)

July 11, 2012 at 4:42 PM

Luanne said...

Remember I am just up the road!

hugs to you

July 11, 2012 at 9:40 PM

skey said...

dear Stepping lightly,

I have been away, and feel a bit disconnected on many levels. But, even thought I have not been in to see you, or even check in here to "hear" you, I have thought of you every day!

Keep going one step at a time

in 

NE

July 12, 2012 at 4:31 PM

Brief and to the Port

 Friday, July 9, 2012

I have lots I'd like to say, since I've learned a bunch of new things in the last couple of days, but I have a sore right chest from teh port that was put in today. I think I'm going to be glad in the long run that it is in there. But, right now I'm feeling sore enough that I'm glad to do nothings, so I am taking the opportunity of heavy duty pain killer to type a little here before I fall asleep. 

The port was put in as out-patient surgery. Surgery is still surgery, with the IV the sedation, monitors, recovery, etc. I was admitted at 6 am and home at 10 am.

The type of port I had put in is completely under the skin and a special needle set up is put through the skin, into the port and medicine (primarily chemo) put in that way.

Anyway, I'm not quite up to a bright, shining post this evening, but I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow.

7 comments:

 

Dan & Cyndie said...

It sure is a many "step" journey you have begun dear friend! Today is another step behind you...

Take good care & hope you can sleep well tonite.

(((Hugs)))

July 9, 2012 at 7:29 PM

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you up here in teh north east section of Nebraska. Glad for your blogs so we can keep track of how you are doing. You make it all so very interesting with you telling of it, but I am sure you are hurting mucy more than you let on. Take care. And just know that you have many people who are thinking of you. Wayne and Darlene Jensen

July 9, 2012 at 8:05 PM

The J's said...

Thanking of you! Thanks for keeping us updated!!

July 9, 2012 at 8:05 PM

Elaine T. said...

I'm glad that part is done and hope it serves you well. Just remember it's your body and you can listen to it. I chose to quit the chemo 6 mo. before my oncologist was ready for me to "according to the book". Anyway, that was 17 years ago and I don't think my body ever missed the final 6 mos. of chemo! 

Take care. 

July 9, 2012 at 9:17 PM

Raimie said...

Dar Auntie, 

So sorry you are tired and sore...bet you never knew you'd said your ship to this 'port', huh? Well, good thing the Master in at the helm and He knows where He's going. \

Love,

Trusting in NE

July 9, 2012 at 9:45 PM

Anonymous said...

Shelley, So sorry you are feeling sore and tired. Tomorrow is a new day. As Cyndie said, just another step now behind you. One day closer to this all being over for you. 

Thank you for your faith, dear friend! Love, Holly

July 10, 2012 at 7:08 PM

gkey said...

Dear More Accessible, 

This is such new territory for me to learn about. It does seem that a more direct route for the meds will be helpful.

love, 

Whatever it takes to get well

in 

NE 

July 14, 2012 at 2:35 PM

The Show Goes On

 Thursday, July 5, 2012

Slowly, slowly, the stage is being set. I have just a few more moves to make before the show goes on. Today, Jim and I went to Omaha to see the dental oncologist. It was one of those appointments that we all wish could ahve been made in conjunction with some other Omaha appointments, but even dental oncologists like to take vacations once in a while. This appointment only took an hour for him t look over all my teeth and gums and pronounce them healthy. He explained very thoroughly what was going ot happen in my mouth during radiation and gave me a hug when we left. I think I'm beginning to look a little shell-shocked.

Radiation is at the same time both a very dangerous and very wonderful thing. Where it goes it can leave it's mark forever. They say it is like having a sunburn all the way through. The good things, is that it kills cancer cell. The bad things is that it also destroys salivary glands, which leads to dry mouth and lessed protection for the teeth. I had heard that one before. Another bad things is that radiation also hardens the capillaries it touches which hinders would healing. That is why dental work has to be done BEFORE radiation, any teeth pulling, any things that requires healing, because afterwards, the healing is compromised severely due to damage to the capillaries. 

This really was rather interesting because it explains so much what I've heard about other people having dental problems during and after had and neck radiation. 

Now, how much damage will actually be done inside my mouth depends some on the PET scan that will be done next wee. It is supposed to show if there might be cancer in the lymph nodes of my neck (or anywhere else, for that matter), and that determines just how much of my neck will be radiated. It don't now that they expect to find any there. I don't think that they do. It's just that they like to know where clear margins are before they begin. If there is none there, there is a good possibility that my bottoms teeth will escape treatment, which will lesson some of the above mentioned problems. as for my situation, having healthy teeth and gums to begin with means I can be proactive and not expect trouble down the road, just a few speed bumps in the care and cleaning of my teeth. 

Right now, it seems like every time I turn a corner in this journey , there's a bigger hurdle to overcome. I think the reaosn for this is that I'm geared up to fight a batter, but it isn't here yet. I'm still just getting ready. The waiting is the hard art and it is starting to get on my nerves. 

The end is in sight, however.

I mean the beginning is in sight. 

Tomorrow is the bone scan. 

Monday, the port goes in.

Thursday, I have the PET scan,

and Friday, I have a dental cleaning and fluoride tray made, 

all here in Kearney.

Yay! No more travelling ot Omaha for two weeks and I am totally exhausted from a seriously enjoyable family holiday, and Lynette starting de-tasseling today, so we had an interrupted night. so we are all going to bed NOW.

Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite. 

hee hee hee.

5 comments:

Bonita Sue said...

No kidding, the waiting IS the part on gets on the nerves. It seems like our mind is fairly resilient and can coe with almost any sort of reality, but when tyou have uncertainty in what reality is, it has nowhere to go it its quest for stability. I think the thing that eases it, is to cling to the stability there is in prayer and spiritual life. 

July, 6, 2012 at 9:25 AM

Dan & Cyndie said...

thanks so much dear friend, for your willingness to share all the ins & outs & ups & downs of this journey with us, so another chapter is about o begin and your journey continues.

we love you:)

July 6, 2012 at 11:45 AM

The J's said...

Oh, I am totally understanding of the waiting thing....:P

You are sure learning a lot wit all this! So many things I didn't realize went along with it all

Knowledge & Preparation, wounds like a good combination, and keeping a good sense of humor too of course! :D

July 7, 2012 at 6:27 PM

Raimie said...

Dear Auntie, 

So glad your armor is coming from teh right place. There are so many thins a person could grab onto to try to help them trough a time like this...but when you have proved the protection of our God, those things see so insufficient. 

I love your spirit of curiosity and interest in the science side of your treatment...must be the reader in your. 

Love,

Raimie Lu

July 7, 2012 at 7:45 PM

gkey said...

Dear Going On, 

Every time I open your blog, I see that quote from Ma Ingalls. You are facing this "what must be done..." with a cheerful spirit, even when there are had days. That is so commendable, and an inspiration to us who are not currently facing this type of thing, but needing to  keep the right attitude to whatever life brings our way.

One of our hymns comes to mind ofent when I think of you: (#375)

In ev'ry part the battle rages on,

All through the night until the break of dawn.

Be of good courage: Christ the Lord shall come; Till then, be strong, be strong!

In ev'ry life, a conflict fierce and keen; 

At ev'ry gate, an ambushed foe unseen;

Each Canaan has its Jordan yet between~ Until the Master comes.

Be not afraid~ the Overcomer stands

With help and courage in His out-stretched hands.

He who has led, forever understands; For His dear sake, be strong!

Fight on~ but once the battle rests with thee, 

Then thou shalt rest for all eternity. 

To hang thy shield of faith in victory, O soldier brave, fight on!

love, 

How He helps us

in 

NE

July 14, 2012 at 1:58 PM

Scared to Death

 Wednesday, July 4, 2012

I would really like to think of a cute title for my blog, but what comes to mind, is "I'm "scared to death" about what happens next.

Today I saw Dr. Bascom for the plane for the chemo. When treatment starts and even if I don't know the exact day yet, that day is coming progressively closer.

In fact, this post is going to be very hard for me, because I'm not liking the face of the reality I'm looking at. So, when treatment starts I will have a long day with blood work at the doctor's office, over to the Cancer Center for IV chemo, with the antihistamines, the anti-nausea, the extra fluid, the cisplatin and VP-16 and then more fluid. Then there will be the radiation after that. It will be an all day thing.

The next two days will be IV with the VP-16, plus radiation. The radiation will continue 5 days a week, for 6 weeks at least. The chemo continues, once every three weeks for 4 cycles. (That continues after the radiation stops.)

We listened again to the side effects: hair loss, soreness in the radiation sites, magnesium and potassium depletion, lowered blood counts, and then there is that extra fluid requirement to make sure the chemo is out of my system to protect my kidneys. 

It sounds scary, really scary. I can't remember everything just now that we were told, but the impression I cam away with, is that I'm not ready for this, I don't want to do this, I'm scared to death about what is going to happen to my body with all this stuff they are putting in it.

So, enough fo that. I'm starting on the programs of spending the rest of my time in doctor's offices. Thursday, the 5th, I go to Omaha to the dental oncologist, Friday, I have a bone scan. They are talking of scheduling a PET scan. Monday, I go in at 6 am to have a port put in. (That's outpatient surgery.)

And what's next? Tune in for the next installment of...

Life in the Cancer Zone

10 comments:

Brenda said...

If I could just hold your hand...if I could just give you a hug,,,

July 4, 2012 at 10:51 AM

Bonita Sue said...

I can't comfort you and tell you it will be not so hard, or not as bad as you think, or it will soon be over. But, someday it WILL be over. I remember the feeling that I was betraying the body that had served me so faithfully all these years by allowing it to be poisoned within an inch of its life. 

Thankfully, that same body stepped up to the plate one more time and came through, and now I'm happy to have reentered the realm of normal life. Love you, sis in law

July 4, 2012 at 9:50 PM

The Chairman's Wife said...

I wish you didn't have to go through this awful journey, but just always remember many hands are holding up yours. As Bonita said, some day this can be but a memory. Thinking of you lots. 

July, 4, 2012 at 10:24 PM

MEJ said...

Oh--I am wishing you didn't have to face this either! Plain & simple, yes if sounds scary! But, as you well know we don't always get our "druthers" and I'm pretty sure that you will come thru this with the same endurance you've shown in other situations, Hang in there, we'll be right here for you!

July 5, 2012 at 2:25 AM

Lanae said...

I too am sorry you have to endure this. I think the feeling of being scared, not being scared, not being ready or wanting to do this, is only normal/natural in a situation like this. It sure sound scary to me...I can hardly fathom facing something like that. Going out and running really hard, running my races is like a torture to me/my body, but one I willing put myself through (because I'm weird like that) However its only a light affliction and soon over, especially compared to what you/your body are going go to through - but like others, I believe you DO have the endurance/strength/courage to make itj through, day by day, moment by moment, prayer by prayer, and that kit WILL be over and perhaps even seem like a light affliction in the light of eternity someday.

I think of you often...

July 5, 2012 at 8:18 AM

Darcie said...

What encouraging comments you have been left already! What a beautiful family we are a part of. I remember once what a lady that had cancer had shared...that as a human-being she was scared to death, but as a child of God she was at peace. God gave us our emotions and it's okay to feel those emotions, just know we are here for you, and God is already in tomorrow, to help ease the fear of what may come.

((hugs))

July, 5, 2012 at 8:49 PM

Janelle said...

I'm sorry that you have to go through all of this. I worked in chemotherapy at Mayo in Rochester before I had kids (6 years ago now), if there is anything I can do to hep you along this journey let me now. Just take it one day at a time, you'll get through it :)

Janelle

(Sheryl Stouffer's daughter)

July 8, 2012 at 3:06 PM

Anonymous said...

Shelley, I wish you didn't have to go through this either. I can only imagine the fear of the unknow that you must be felling. I also know that you are a very strong woman. You have a faith that I've always admired. Your family, friends, faith, prayer, love...all of this will help you through this ordeal I think you will go through all of the stages of grief for the loss you are experiencing, like the way it was, Just now that so many of us are giving you hugs and sending our love your way. Holly

July 9, 2012 at 3:56 PM

gkey said...

Dear in the C-Zone, 

Yes, a scary place to be. I am just feeling so thankful you do not have to be there alone..so many surrounding you with love and care and concern.

As you embark on this next phase of the journey, may you keep encouraged in our Father's love and be very aware that HE hold you n His hands though every minute of every day and night. One day down the road a ways...it will all be a memory. Curves in the road, ones you won't ever forget, but glad for what you gained of eternal value in them

love, 

sending hugs today

in 

NE

July, 14, 2012 at 1:41 PM

Anita said...

I'm slow to get caught up on blog reading again after our busy summer days, but you've been on my mind all along. You're well into it now and I'm do feel for you.

I'm sure the whole thing is so unreal. Wouldn't it be nice to just fast-forward to a year or 2 from now? 

All the best! xo

August 1. 2012 at 2:45 PM